Let Yourself Go

My last procedure was almost a week ago and it was a joke but I am not amused.  The pain never fully went away but it decreased for four days.  The stabbing pain was considerably better.  After four days, the knives were back in my neck and I was back to square one.  I remain disenchanted, wondering if it’s too soon for results. Follow up with the doctor Nov. 27^th.  Time for a lobotomy…

Does the thought of another holiday season fill you with joyful anticipation or overwhelm you with fear and dread? The average person considers the holidays at least somewhat stressful.  For those with chronic pain who are already struggling trying to deal with daily life in general, the added demands and stresses of the holidays can be vicious.

The holidays can be a recipe for double disaster-the increase in activity may exacerbate physical symptoms, while coping with sadness, frustration, and maybe even guilt about physical limitations gives rise to emotional pain.  Sometimes I dread the approaching holidays. 

Although I don’t always look sick, my goal this year is to make my condition visible.  (Time for the stoplight on my forehead) I’ve already given my family a heads-up on what to expect from me during the holidays. This lets them know in advance how to plan but most importantly, it keeps me accountable with my people pleasing tendencies. With traveling in the mix, the car ride tends to aggravate symptoms and the unpredictability of my condition means I never know for sure how I’ll feel on any given day of the actual gatherings. 

While I realize I cannot avoid all stress, the holidays are going to look and feel different this year.  This year I am giving myself a G.I.F.T. 

G – Guilt, get out!

When I fail to live up to expectations for myself, guilt is born. Every year I am bombarded with a magical storybook paradigm of the idyllic holiday scene. I love Christmas, especially the music, decorations, parties, lights and smells.   My Cinderella Christmas is complete with family, friends, food and festivities, encompassed in a spirit of peace and goodwill for all.

This year, Cinderella is not attending the holiday ball.  It’s time for a reality check.  The fact is, I have chronic pain and that limits what and how much I can do.  It is time to stop blaming myself because I cannot provide the elaborate holiday festivities that I once did or because I can’t do everything I THINK my family expects me to.  There are many ways to express my feelings without damaging my body in the process.  If less than half my decorations get up or I miss a friend’s party because I am in too much pain, I have to let it go.  The pressure is within me to have the perfect Norman Rockwell Christmas.  Christmas isn’t about perfection.  It’s about celebrating the birth of our Savior who came to save us because we are not perfect.  What a relief.  I am choosing to be joyful with whatever Christmas we have. 

I-Importance of immediate family

I am deciding which aspects of the holidays are most important to my immediate family.  I am focusing on those things and letting everything else go.  My inner ocd is hyperactive right now as the Christmas tree is the only light on in this room.  Without my sweet boys, I wouldn’t have a tree up at all this year.  They assembled and decorated (with their own stylish flair) the tree this year.  I decided this is one thing I had to let go.  Typically, my Christmas’ are on crack. Decorating is one of my favorite things to do, especially at Christmas time.   The only ones who see my house at Christmas are me and my guys.  They could care less about my pink Christmas tree and Elvis ornaments.  So, I let them go ballistic on our tree and you know what?  It turned out alright.  It’s even more stunning than last year, if you ask me. 

F-Family Matters

(Nope, not the TV show with Urkel.)

During the holiday season, extended families come together, often traveling great distances.  While it is wonderful to visit with relatives not often seen, I need to plan ahead to avoid being physically drained by what should be an enjoyable experience.  I may need to force myself to rest. I may have to decline an invitation or two.  This girl is changing and my first responsibility is myself and my immediate family.   Sometimes I am unable to communicate freely when I am not feeling well.  I dread coming across as whining or complaining but I am learning to take better care of myself and that’s a gift I can give my family.

T- Think Ahead

I tend to majorly stress out at the holidays when I am in a mad-rush to get everything done at the last minute.  This year, I am planning way ahead.  As in, I started planning for Thanksgiving two months ago.  I am a list-maker which comes in handy when my meds are making me foggy.  I am learning how to delegate and simplify.  Some days are harder than others and I have to allow time in my schedule so one or two days in a row will not ruin the entire holiday season.  If I plan this far in advance, I may have a smidgen of energy left over to actually enjoy the holidays.

 I am already reminding myself why I am celebrating this time.  It should be a joyful, relaxing time with family and friends.  So, I am going to grab some hot cocoa, put on my favorite Christmas movie, turn the lights on my endearing tree, take a deep breath and enjoy the most wonderful time of the year. 

This may just be the best GIFT of all this Christmas. 

How do you cope with the holidays and chronic pain? If you don't have a chronic condition what are your tips for a less stressful holiday season?