"That's Alright, Momma..."

Wow.  Just wow.  I am completely blown away by the amount of support and love I have received from friends and family since starting this blog.  My intentions were simply to let people get a glimpse of my daily reality, so they could stay informed of my repetitive doctor appointments and mind-numbing updates.  Although writing this is enormously therapeutic, it is also incredibly humbling.  Allowing others to read my “diary” makes me feel vulnerable yet exhilarated.  So, here I go again...this is me being blatantly honest. 

You already know I am a weirdo. Now, here's another revelation.  I am a people pleaser.  As in:  An addiction to please others to the max.  What does this have to do with my chronic neck pain?  An immense deal actually.  I’m feeling fragile, but my crash helmet is on!   Let me start at the beginning and ask you,  are you a people pleaser?  Here are some traits.  See if any of these describe you.

People Pleasers:

1. Take most criticism personally. 

Oh boy.  I have a hard time taking criticism, especially if I feel it was not warranted.  I take everything people say to heart and I have a tough time not replaying every scenario in my mind.

2. Find it hard to express their true feelings because they don't want to hurt others.

Indeed.  Sometimes I wish I had a hint of a mean girl in me.  As in, being able to easily defend myself, or speak exactly what I am thinking.  I tend to worry about others feelings more than my own.  I literally make myself sick sometimes because the fear cripples me to tell others what I truly believe. 

3. Feel and extraordinary fear of rejection.

Of course I want people to like me, doesn't everyone?  I fall apart if I realize someone doesn't like me.  Little ol' me?  What's not to love?!  I actually have to convince myself that others want to be my friend.  The thoughts that occupy my mind are appalling at times.  “Why would she want to hang out with me?  She is way too cool to be my friend.  She will probably drop me like a hot potato once she discovers how much of a lunatic I am!”  “What if they grow tired of me bailing out on them all the time because of my so-called ailments?” 

4. Have a hard time saying no.

I take on way too much.  As in, ridiculous amounts of things that I am not even called by God to do.  I have to convince myself to say no to the good things so I can go after the best things.  This is where it hurts the most.  Not only does it harden my heart by doing things I don't even enjoy but it begins to compound the pain in my neck.  Will I walk your dog every day?  Sure!  Can I volunteer on another board?  Why not?  Bring it on.  I can mask my pain.  I am great at pretending I’m fine. 

Well, would you look at that?  I scored 100%!  Oops. 

I had been obsessed about what others thought about me and less concerned about what God thought about me. I began to tell myself I can't please everyone, but I can strive to please Him.  I was choosing the addiction of idolatry-I was telling God that other people were more important.  I need to care more about God's approval than others opinions. 

Growing up, I was introverted and expressed myself through singing.  (That's right; I was extremely shy until college, then it was like, watch out people!)  Home was not always a pleasant place.  After hearing the constant fighting between my older brother and my parents, I made the decision that I would never cause them undue grief and would strive for perfection.  My home sometimes felt unsafe and I would hideout to protect myself.  My family and friends referred to me as the “good girl,” the one who never got out of line or made poor choices.  I didn’t want to cause my parents any anguish or draw any attention to myself.  I began to have the disease to please.  It became a form of addiction to seek approval from others. I couldn’t fathom how to continue to be nice without being a people pleaser.   It’s not always wrong to be a people pleaser, but I chose to seek approval through people instead of Christ. 

The compulsion to please others made me believe I must always do what others wanted of me, and I could never say no to anyone.  I thought others should like me because I tried so hard to please them and they should never treat me unfairly because I was always so nice to them. I spent a great part of my life trying to please other people and became unhappy, resentful and depressed.  How other people thought about me became so important that it affected who I was.  I battled within myself to understand why I always said yes to people, even though everything within me was screaming no.  I had always been sensitive and perceptive to others people’s feelings.  Rather than using that as a positive tool, I would try to keep the peace, whatever the cost. 

I was not honest about who I was.  I said I liked things I didn’t really like.  I would buy a hideous shirt just so I didn’t offend the sales person!  I would nod my head in agreement to things I didn’t feel right about in my heart for fear of confrontation. I would tell people what I thought they wanted to hear to keep them happy. Instead of doing things out of desire, I would do them out of duty. I anticipated the needs of others but couldn’t ask for my own needs to be met.  I was the poster-girl for compliance.  I was miserable.  My motives were wrong.  I would do things out of fear and a sense of obligation, hoping to be accepted or seen.  I should have been motivated because God prompted me and I wanted to please Him.

Whatever we do, if we do it unto the Lord, our lives and the lives of others will be blessed.  If you help a family member, do it for the Lord.  If you work in the church nursery, do it for the Lord.  If you wash the dishes, do it for the Lord.  In everything we do, if we do it to please God, the result will be a new measure of joy and enthusiasm in your life. I encourage you to begin to do what you feel God wants you to do.  If you need strength in this area, ask for the Lord’s grace to follow after his voice instead of the pressures and demands of others.

I am a work in progress but I am transformed.  He’s doing a work in me on the inside out, to do something powerful on this earth.  Golly gee, I hope we’re still friends after all of this candidness!